300612 ♥

Hello ^^ on the way to mtdc and no one is on twitter so I thought I might as well blog !
Hmm.. Feel like quitting mtdc and going back to Beatty CO. :/ shall spend some time thinking bout it bahs.

School is fine ? Mrs Ang changed me and crystal so now I'm sitting with Dylan. Tsk. We like strangers. Don't talk at all. Okay nvm. Maybe that's good cos that way, I can focus on my studies !! :)

Okay okay. So yesterday got broadcast journalism and it ended at 5 plus ? So I didn't go for geography. And and and I bought dickies bag with Peiqin and Michelle !! Triplets ~ ^^ I always like envy those friends that use same bags and whatsoever. I never expect me to do so also. Like after looking at my friends. LOL.

Okay.. Shall blog soon !! Bye ! :)

270612 ♥

Hello.. Just ended tuition for maths ! So I think I should take a break, blog, have dinner, then start on work? HAHAH, yes why am I packing every thing closely together ? :/ I really wonder if it is do that I can don't think of so many things.

So I saw twitter and saw what he tweet.. Damn worried for him can >< Haiz, why Liddat ? :/ now gonna pray hard for him.. Haiz.

Oh and there's this girl uh, some blogshop girl what ohmonomonm monster blogshop horh, go backout when Peiqin going to meet her and she fucking blocked me on fb. Seriously?! Lame ass. Don't want trade say la. I won't force you Kay. CCB. Go eat shit and die. FUCK YOU LA.

Kay Kay !! Ending post soon ! Know why I so angry because she backout not ? Cause horh I cash tight ! And don't like that shirt. ><

250612 ♥

Back to school today ~ ! School was okay ? Arhhh, forgot to bring geography and english homework ! ><

You know what ? The more I look at you, the more I hate myself. And maybe, avoiding you is the best choice, isn't it ? Know what? I kept on thinking, what if we didn't start this relationship and what will it be like of we lasted till now ?

The more I look at you, the more moody I get.

Short post for today bah. Tired after tuition. :/

230612 ♥

Annyeong !! ❤
Went for science tuition today and saw Li Xuan and also JunHao haha !!
Gahhhhh, haven't finish holiday homework :/ need chiong already !
Ohya ! Dad left for china already and would only be back next week :/ BON VOYAGE !

Short post today cause I needa move on with work !!

So.. Shall blog soon !

220612 ♥

YESHH, I KNOW IT'S 1245AM. BUT I CAN'T SLEEP.. SO I MIGHT AS WELL BLOG :)

I can't sleep.. I don't know why when I just shut my eyes for a few seconds, memories and everything just came back.. ALL some more ..

I hope I was more sociable.. Had more friends.. :/ now I feel so lonely.. No one understands and cares for me. I keep wondering, without facebook, will people also know about my birthday and say happy birthday to me? It's not about knowing my birthday or not. It's about taking the initiative to even find out and remember it. I think there's not even 5 people who can remember my birthday. Okay, so lets not talk about birthday. Ohhh, know why I talk about birthday? Cos yesterday was michelle's birthday.. And many people wished her happy birthday.

Okay so let's talk about real matter. I'm so stressed up now okay, by mum and dad. Because they bought iPhone for me, they say I must get good results or they will confiscate my phone. I keep telling myself I can do it. But the thing is, I know where I'm standing. I know my results sucks. I just can't deceive myself to let myself do better.

The next thing is, why do I always care about what people think of me? Why can't I be natural? This isn't me. Why am I so afraid of people judging me?

Next is, why am I so lonely and no one caring bout me ? I'm so tired. I don't know how I feel now. Tired? Sad? Heart pain? Happy? Or what? I just don't know.. :/ and I need some one to talk to. But I can't always say all my nonsense to Peiqin right? It's like, she'll also get tired of me. I don't know why, I can laugh, smile, but deep inside I feel nothing. No happiness, nothing. So empty. I really hope for someone who can listen to all my inside feelings.

Lastly, please.. I really need to focus. So.. Dear heart, stop all this. I really need to study. Not just because of my iPhone but also because of my future.

At first I thought getting my iPhone would make me happy, but it didn't.

210612 ♥

It's Michelle's birthday today ❤

That day when Peiqin and I went out to buy Michelle's present, Peiqin told me she read my blog and she tell me I'm not a bitch and they are not a bastard. Okay, so it's a lesson learnt? Or what? :/
For me, next time When i'm gonna find my future ahem or something, I would go for guys that are older than me at least by 2 years and not older by 6 years. I would also find guys that have at least 1 or 2 r/s experiences, and also not more than 5 r/s experiences.

Oh ya, that day daddy was gonna get iPad then I tagged along and got my iPhone 4S !! ❤ That also means I needa study harder to get good results or mummy will confiscate my phone :/

Saw him in school yesterday, avoided looking at him but he walked pass me and still, I never look at him lorh..

That's all for today I think !! Shall blog soon ! ❤

160612 ♥

During this few weeks of holidays, I kept asking myself, what I really want and need in life.. Dad also talked to me about his expectations from me. Then I was like, STRESS. He wants me to do well in studies, do well in dizi, have good character, good manners, good behaviour and also don't want me to be in a r/s at this age. Well, among all the expectations, I didn't do anything that was right. I feel like a loser. And I was like thinking, maybe I should really stop this nonsense of mine, study hard, let those nonsensical feelings be deep in my heart and move on with life. Maybe at this age, what's more important is my studies, not feelings and bgr. But will I be happy like this?

I really don't know. My results sucks. My position is 36/41. Aiming for a 25/41 for year end, maybe? I can't focus every time I'm studying. I will keep thinking about him and him. Then yesterday I kept thinking about what ruiyao, yu yi, lin na, michelle and peiqin said, during truth or dare. They said: will you accept a guy that you actually think that he's a good friend of yours, someone you can pour your feelings out to, but he say he like you or love you. And immediately I think of him, and know what? I figure every thing out. It's a relationship that went wrong from the start, he's just a very very good friend of mine, and I thought I had feelings for him? Maybe. And I hate myself for that, hurting him? No matter what I do, also cannot 'erase' away the pain and all that, isn't it? Every time my friends say about hating the guy that dumped her, they will call him a bastard, then I'll think like, if he dump her, he's a bastard, then I dump him, I'm a bitch. Isn't it? 

Why is like, every thing I do is wrong and will hurt people? I'm like starting to hate myself more and more. 

They say, in order to have people to love you, you need to know how to love yourself. Well, perhaps I don't love myself, that's why people don't love me? 

I hope from now on, people won't be very 'nice' to me, they 'nice' to me or what, I will easily 感动 so in order not to fall for people easily, I hope they won't be so 'nice' to me.

150612 ♥

POP Camp was quite fun ~ keep screaming during night walk with peiqin and michelle. Although scary, but fun still ^^ the seniors thought I was about to cry when they took off my blindfold. Water bomb was fun too. Its just that I can't sleep at night :O damn tired after camp. :/


Ohhhhh... and during BBQ that time, peiqin, michelle, lin na, ruiyao, yu yi and me played truth or dare. Then suddenly like start to think a lot of things. x.x 


And WEDNESDAY, went to wild wild wet with peiqin. Actually should be me, peiqin and michelle, but michelle's mum don't allow. :/ That day was funnnn. 


MY PHONE ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! </3 ONE MONTH TO ENDURE AND GET NEW PHONE.