I can't sleep.. I don't know why when I just shut my eyes for a few seconds, memories and everything just came back.. ALL some more ..
I hope I was more sociable.. Had more friends.. :/ now I feel so lonely.. No one understands and cares for me. I keep wondering, without facebook, will people also know about my birthday and say happy birthday to me? It's not about knowing my birthday or not. It's about taking the initiative to even find out and remember it. I think there's not even 5 people who can remember my birthday. Okay, so lets not talk about birthday. Ohhh, know why I talk about birthday? Cos yesterday was michelle's birthday.. And many people wished her happy birthday.
Okay so let's talk about real matter. I'm so stressed up now okay, by mum and dad. Because they bought iPhone for me, they say I must get good results or they will confiscate my phone. I keep telling myself I can do it. But the thing is, I know where I'm standing. I know my results sucks. I just can't deceive myself to let myself do better.
The next thing is, why do I always care about what people think of me? Why can't I be natural? This isn't me. Why am I so afraid of people judging me?
Next is, why am I so lonely and no one caring bout me ? I'm so tired. I don't know how I feel now. Tired? Sad? Heart pain? Happy? Or what? I just don't know.. :/ and I need some one to talk to. But I can't always say all my nonsense to Peiqin right? It's like, she'll also get tired of me. I don't know why, I can laugh, smile, but deep inside I feel nothing. No happiness, nothing. So empty. I really hope for someone who can listen to all my inside feelings.
Lastly, please.. I really need to focus. So.. Dear heart, stop all this. I really need to study. Not just because of my iPhone but also because of my future.
At first I thought getting my iPhone would make me happy, but it didn't.
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