310812 ♥

Last day of August. Really tired and moody. So sylvester ask me to take his report book from Pq to return him. And I know, mentioning him will Hurt her. He also don't want her to be sad or something that's why he ask me to pass ? Kinda hate this situation.
Okay. So back to myself again. Keep having emptiness feeling. I'm like trying to smile but why is everyone like trying to make me feel sad and everything. I keep telling people I've move on.... But is it true? Or am I just forcing myself to belief it ? Who to say all this to ? Friends...? Pq have her own problem, Michelle also have ? Ruiyao will confirm say nvm. I need a friend that's there for me. What's the use of saying all this now ? Long since I cried. And I really broke down today. Why am I so useless ?! Why cry ?! I'm not a cry baby.
Ms choong leaving on Sunday ;(
The fact , I'm really useless, stupid , hopeless, ugly , fat , short and have fat thighs.
Okay bye.

200812 ♥

One more day to mummy birthday~
Okkkkk. Many ups and downs this few days since I last blog. Well mainly all downs luh. Obvious right ? Ok so my h2h turn from school friends to tuition friends. Whats next ? :/
Hah. So trying very hard to focus in my studies and work hard. But mum and dad keep complain. I got limits too. I get tired too. For example. Today, tuition for About 7 hours. 4 hours English and 3 hours maths. I need rest too. Very very tired of this life.
There's this advertisement of cruise then I tell mum I want go. She say must see results. Sua la. everything also results results -.-
So yeah.... Gonna continue mugging now.

130812 ♥

Hiiiii blog. Feeling very numb the while day? I don't know.
Kept smiling, laughing but it's like a while only then stop le. Like I laugh with others then I laugh or smile awhile only. I guess I hide my feelings very well ? No one notice. Well, Gladys stop deceiving yourself. Not that you can hide your feelings well, it's because no one actually cares.
I guess I'm somehow through this shit. Thought I was slowly moving on till recess. Saw you. And boom. Everything went back to before. And I don't know. I told my friend I will move on and forget you, saying that I don't care about you but that make me hate myself. Dislike myself. I don't know but I enjoy the feeling of somehow not moving on. Still waiting. It's tough. To move on. Without any friends that will be there for me.
Somehow went moody on Saturday and well idk but Michelle and Peiqin make fun of me. I'm not angry la.
I miss the old me. I won't care about all this shit. I miss the feeling. Now it came back. That is to not move on not forgetting you. It actually make me happy. Maybe ? I don't know.
Oh ya my bangs..

100812 ♥

Hiii. Bored. So I decide to blog. Should have blog earlier. Anyways , happy birthday Singapore. Thanks for everything. ❤
So... Went to school on Wednesday for national day celebration. Then jingying , Yan ting and hui min they all cry. I don't know why. But one thing I know is that, they have friends around them asking them to not cry and what do ever. Hah. I cry ? No one give a fuck. Definitely I shed more tears than them right. Oh and I even see my friend going over to console them. She didn't even console me before. Not even once. Fuck. Why ? Why is my life so interesting. Seriously. I wish I got the sickness that Natasha got. Anorexia. I'll slim down. Grow prettier. I hate how I'm now. And I hate the fact I can't change it. Tried so hard.
Read so many people's blog this few days. People actually mention that their friends are sad and wish them to cheer up. Now one do that to me.
Went to level 33 with family and Yanyi she ask me to go confess. Because he's leaving soon. But... I know I won't do it. He'll never be mine. What for to make both of us awkward ?
I feel so insecure. Feeling the emptiness each time I see a couple.
I tell myself not to think of you. Tell myself to stop loving you. But... Every time I'll look around for you. Wishing for you. Hear your name and turn back to see. But each time, it turns out to be great disappointments. I've tried. And I've enough.
Gladys, it's time to let go. All this memories. And everything. You have to let go.
One day. Just one day I'll move on. But I know, the day isn't today. I need time.

070812 ♥

Failed literature project and failed science test badly. Told mum about it. She scolded me and say I never study. Yes I admit. I didn't study much because I really don't have time. Everyday reach home dinner bathe then do homework already like 12 to 1 am already. And people still keep pushing group work to me. When I say I really can't produce the work out or have no time to do, they would say I give excuses. So I have no choice but to stay up late till even 2 to finish up the work. And yet people don't see the effort I put in and yet they scold me. I suddenly find everything so strange and unfamiliar. In the past when people scold me for getting lousy marks, I wouldn't care. But now.. I'm like crying while typing. I should have seen this coming. Perhaps next time I should just copy. Then I wouldn't get scolded.
But whatever that I do, nobody would be please. I feel such a burden to my parents. I feel Like a waste of their time and money. And i feel so insecure and hopeless. So so so tired of this life. So tired of being me. Why do I have so much stress. Constantly having suicidal thoughts. What should I do.
I told myself not to cry one more time. But why why why did I cry again. Why are you getting weaker and weaker Gladys? You've to stay strong. No matter what.

060812 ♥

Hiiiiiiiiii. I don't know what's wrong with me today. This morning becos of a seat quarrel with Pomtai and shout at him then I suddenly cry. Why why why Gladys?!?! You said you won't cry anymore.... Please pretty please don't cry one more time. Nobody cares nobody gives a fuck. Why do you have to cry?! People will just think that you AA only.
Hahaha. My life seriously a joke. Friends keep saying cheer up I'll be there for you. Hello bitch. Are you even there for me?! I cried in class and no one even give a fuck. Okay. You're my friend. Why are you like this? Seriously -.- even the guys know I unhappy or sad don't dare come make me even more sad. You don't know uh? Where's your fucking eyes. Bitch please. No one cares then why should I even be sad.
People keep judging. When I'm sad and really show that I'm sad, they will say I AA. If I fake my smiles, pretend I'm fine, they will say I play girl. Or call me cold heart. -.- I can't stand it if this comes from my friend. And it really happen.

050812 ♥

Hiiiiiiiiii. I'm feeling so.... Nvm. Shall not say. Or some people will bitch bout me ? Okay I'm being a little paranoid.
So I saw him on Saturday and talk to Peiqin awhile. She say: isn't it obvious he doesn't want to have any ties with you? And I was like yea. I need to face reality. It's true. False hopes are still false hopes. She say I fall too easily. And tell me not to do so the next time. She say I'll hurt myself only.
I feel like leaving this place with all the stress and the people here esp him. And perhaps come back in a year time and see a new me. Well. I don't feel like going to school. But I can't. If I miss out lessons I really CMI already.
So.... From now on.. Hopefully I can forget him. Shall smile more. Love myself. Don't hate myself. And live well. Study hard.

040812 ♥

Can't you see I'm trying so hard. Why why why. I hate myself. I hate this. I hate all this shit I'm in. Why am I crying when I'm typing all this. Face reality Gladys. Face reality Gladys. Face it. Stop denying.